Make Up Your Fucking Mind, Already- Get Your Fucking Head Right #2

You've all doubtless visited the boards of innumerable lifting sites, whereupon you've had your eyes and minds raped by some of the dumbest shit to ever spill out of the empty head of some mouth-breathing pussy who can neither use his brain nor the Google machine.  When I say raped, I'm not talking about the chick who kind of wanted to get fucked and then passed out and a guy gently fucked her on a pile of rose petals while taking care not to muss her hair- I'm talking about an I Spit On Your Grave style day long rape by a pack of drooling, filthy hillbillies in the hills of West Virginia, capped off by a bit of anal by a retard at knife point style rape.  Most of the people on the internet of late seem to be confined to a massive group home for the mentally challenged that has unlimited internet access and a workstation in every residents' room.

Your brain on a typical message board.

The worst of it, in my opinion, are the questions about programming, like these:

"I want to get the maximum out of my legs, so I need a good squat routine.

I was reading up on 20-rep squats. If you do 20-rep squats, do you do them for one set, or multiple sets?

I want to squat 2-3 times a week. Could this overtrain my legs?

I also want to incorporate hack squats into my routine

I just don't know what to do in terms of sets and reps, and also if I should do a different workout each day, and cycle them.

My goals: become swole and strong as fuk"- thegodjr

By all means, get on Bodyspace and mock the fuck out of this jackass.

That just happened.  We're living through a time when this happens.  Guess what?  This person isn't asking for advice- they're begging someone, anyone, to slam a sharpened icepick into their brain and put them out of our misery, Trotsky-in-Mexico-style.  Unfortunately, encouraging them to shuffle off their mortal coil is frowned upon, but Bodyspace really should have some euthanasia program in place for these assholes.

Onto my point:  asking for advice of total strangers on the internet, most of whom know as little or less than you do, is fucking retarded.  Furthermore, spending a shitload of time contemplating your exercise selection, workload, or choosing between the programs du jour generally does far more harm than good.  That's not to say that you shouldn't be at least somewhat contemplative about the factors I've listed, but you certainly shouldn't spend hours debating it online.  The reason for this is twofold- 1) debating exercise routines with idiots online is asinine, and 2) you will eventually come to suffer from something psychologists refer to as "paralysis of analysis".  Paralysis of analysis is a phenomenon wherein someone spends so much time analyzing and over-analyzing a situation that no action ever actually occurs.  Additionally, this over-analysis anchors a person, physically and mentally, and causes the analyzer to begin to associate their problem with nonissues, which makes real change even more difficult.  To combat this, psychologists suggest doing something, anything, to force yourself out of a rut.  (UNLP, 51)

"That's the thing about goals- they become the thing you talk about, rather than the thing you do"

- Cherry Darling, Planet Terror.

You're not a scholar of weightlifting because you've researched every program in the world and sought the advice of every weak-sauce asshat on the internet- you're a dithering pussy who's constantly busy with waffling and never gets shit done.  Don't be a dithering bitch- do something.  Weightlifting isn't supposed to resemble a fucking coffee klatch.  Feelings are not to be considered and being mealy-mouthed and fearful is to be despised and spurned, not commended and reinforced with absurd supportive statements.  And scratch that first bit, as most people appear to do no research whatsoever before they ask advice.  In any event, mealy-mouthed bullshit and random searches for the advice of total strangers will yield , at best, no result and at worst, a negative net.  As such, you shouldn't bother with that bullshit.

Your average message board.

Should you wish to get super contemplative about your next program, by all means, get cracking creating your decision tree.  The creation of the decision tree would be the first action toward actually getting in the gym, and after creating a couple, you'll likely see that all paths can lead to success if they're traced with enough badassery and vigor.  No matter what program you choose (within reason, of course, and directed generally at your goals), you'll enjoy at least some measure of success.  This success will occur for two reasons- one, your body will have adapted to your last routine, and a marked departure therefrom will force your body to into a period of adaptation that will be very metabolically intensive (provided you've not switched to pilates and light jogging once a week), and two, because the psychological of regression will cause you to believe that any remedy will work.  Due to the effect of belief on your body's physiology, you might see change simply due to the psychological effect of the change (though this can work against you if you believe that your change will result in failure).  (CC 65-66)

That's pretty close to "absolutely" "correct" structure.

"No model or structure is 'correct' or 'absolute'.  A model is only an attempt at a description, and at some point it will fail."(UNLP 66)  As such, you're going to have a lot of time over the course of your lives to explore different paths to superhuman strength and veiny abs.  Just remember that it's all about the journey, not the destination, and that your destination is guaranteed to change as you travel, so there cannot be any absolute truths in strength training... except that debating routines on the internet is fucking retarded.

You're going to make mistakes in your path to superhumanity... it's inevitable.  Just make sure you do them while standing on your own two feet, and for fuck's sake make them moving forward.


Sources:
Langer, Ellen.  Counterclockwise. 2009.
Young, Peter.  Understanding NLP: Principles and Practice.  Norwalk: Crown House Publishing, 2004.